Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers
"Honey, I Shrunk the Cops"
Written by Michael Gibby

Characters herein are © Walt Disney corporation. Distribute freely, but do not modify.
(Scene opens with Prof. Nimnul throwing darts at an unseen

     Nimnul : I can't believe it.  Those two cops seem to stop me
          every time I try to pull off an incredible heist.  But
          I'll get even.

(Nimnul's morning paper arrives at his doorstep.  There is a
picture of Muldoon and Kirby on the front page.  The headline
reads, "Police Officers Commended for Services to the City.")

     Nimnul : What?!  'Officers Muldoon and Kirby to receive an
          award for stopping mad scientist Norton Nimnul time and
          time again?!'  Mad?!  Me?!  I'll show them!  And I'll
          start at that awards ceremony tomorrow.

(Nimnul throws two darts simultaneously and each dart hits the
unseen object, which turns out to be pictures of Muldoon and

(Scene shifts to the park that the Rescue Rangers live in.  The
awards ceremony for Muldoon and Kirby is about to begin.  Stan
Blather is beginning to speak to the television audience.)

     Stan Blather : This is Stan Blather.  In just a few moments,
          the Mayor will be giving the "Golden Nightstick Award"
          to Officers Muldoon and Kirby for their extraordinary
          services to the Police Department and to this fair

(Camera shifts to the inside of Rescue Ranger Headquarters.  Chip
is busy straightening up the front room before leaving to watch
the ceremony.)

     Chip : Hurry up everyone!  The ceremony is about to begin.

(Monterey Jack walks out of a nearby hallway, grumbling.)

     Monty : I don't see why they're gettin' an award for  
          somethin' they didn't do.  After all, we're the ones
          who stop Nimnul every time.  We should get the award.

     Chip : The reason we aren't getting an award is because no
          humans know about what we do.  We do it to stop people
          like Nimnul, not because we're looking for glory.

     Monty : Well, maybe it's time they noticed.

(By now, the rest of the Rangers have entered the room.)

     Chip : Well, now that everyone's here, we can go outside for
          the ceremony.

(Camera shifts to a view of the crowd.  Nimnul is there, dressed
as a homeless person.  Nimnul looks into his inside jacket
pocket, pats it, and continues moving to the front of the crowd.)

(Camera shows a shot of the platform and podium.  The Mayor moves
to the podium and begins to speak.)

     Mayor : Greetings to the citizens of this fine city who are
          here, and to those of you who are watching at home. 
          Will Officers Muldoon and Kirby please come here.

(Muldoon and Kirby advance to the podium.  Mayor pulls out two
gold trophies.)

     Mayor : Officers Muldoon and Kirby, in honor of your   
          services to this city, I give you both the "Golden     
          Nightstick Award."

(As Muldoon and Kirby are about to accept their awards,  Nimnul
pulls the Gigantico Ray Gun from the pocket he looked in earlier. 
The gun is set to "Reverse."  Nimnul then fires at Muldoon and
Kirby.  A direct hit.  The two officers are shrunk to the size of
mice.  The Mayor drops the trophies in shock, nearly crushing
Muldoon.  Panic ensues, and Nimnul rushes up, grabs Muldoon and
Kirby, and runs away.)

(Camera shifts to the Rescue Rangers.  All have shocked
expressions on their faces.)

     Dale: Did you see that? That hobo just ran off with Muldoon
          and Kirby!

     Gadget : That was no hobo!  That was Professor Nimnul!  I'd
          know that bald spot anywhere.

     Chip : You're right!  It was Nimnul!  We've got to rescue

     Monty : Right, but where do we start looking?  He could be
          anywhere by now.

(Scene changes to inside Nimnul's laboratory.  Nimnul walks in,
maniacly laughing.)

     Nimnul : I did it!  I did it!  Now the whole city will know
          that my inventions work, and I'll have my revenge as

(Nimnul throws Muldoon and Kirby into a mouse cage.)

     Muldoon : You're crazy, Nimnul!  They never should have let
          you out of the Loony Bin!  I wouldn't be surprised 
          if you started ranting and raving about rodents and 
          flies again.

     Nimnul : What do you mean 'crazy?'  I was tricked by a fly! 
          You shouldn't even have been receiving those awards! 
          It was those vermin who stopped me all those times!

     Kirby : Yeah, right!  I suppose next you'll tell us that
          those rodents talked to you.

     Nimnul : Well, they did!  Now, both of you, shut up!  I have
          more important things to do, like buy a cat to feed
          you to if the city doesn't give me ten million dollars
          by noon tomorrow.

(Nimnul leaves, laughing as before.  Muldoon and Kirby begin
talking to one another.)

     Kirby : Man, that guy's a few eggs short of a dozen.

     Muldoon : Yeah.  Who'd believe that a bunch of rodents could
          stop criminals?  That's almost as bad as a cat being a
          crime boss.

(Scene shifts to a view of the city.  The Ranger Wing flies
through the camera's field of vision.  A shot of the Rangers in
the seats, with Gadget at the controls.)

     Dale: We've been looking for hours, and I still haven't
          seen any sign of Nimnul.

     Chip : Don't give up.  We've got to find them.

     Gadget : Wait a minute!  Remember when Nimnul was using all
          of us mice as natural generators?  He might be at
          that same laboratory.  You know, the one that was
          shaped like a ball?

     Chip : You're right, Gadget!  Let's get over there and see
          if that's where he is.

(The Ranger Wing veers off the straight line it has been
traveling in, and heads toward the mountains.)

(Scene shifts to outside Nimnul's laboratory.  The Ranger Wing
lands on the ground right next to the wall.)

     Monty : He's in there, all right.  I can hear him laughing.

     Chip : Now all we have to do is find a way inside.  Monty,
          you and Gadget look around to the left.  Dale, you and
          I can start looking to the right.  Zipper, you try to
          find an open window.  We'll meet on the other side.
(The Rangers split up, each going in the direction Chip told them

(Scene shifts to Muldoon and Kirby's cage.  Muldoon is trying to
pick the lock with his badge.)

     Kirby : Hurry up, Muldoon!  We gotta get loose and get
          back to normal before that nut comes back.

     Muldoon : I've been thinking.  What if we just shot at
          Nimnul when he comes back?

     Kirby : Nah, our guns are too small now.  Besides, even if
          we could do some damage, how would we get out?  He
          has the only key.

(Nimnul walks in, with a cat carrier and a video camera under his
arm.  Muldoon stops working at the lock.  Nimnul sets the cat
carrier behind their cage, then sets up his video camera.)

     Nimnul : Well, how are my favorite cops doing today?  I hope
          you didn't think about escaping, because after I get
          done making the ransom video, I'm going to release
          my new pet.  It would be a shame if you were to be
          caught by Fang here, because he gets very hungry.

(Muldoon and Kirby turn around to look at the cat, who strikes
his best frightening pose.  The two policemen quickly turn around

     Nimnul : Now, unless you want to become cat food with 
          badges, I suggest you follow this script exactly.

(Nimnul hands them shrunken pieces of paper.)

(Scene shifts to outside of Nimnul's laboratory.  The Rangers are
just reconvening.  Zipper starts buzzing excitedly.)

     Monty : You found a way in.  Muldoon and Kirby in a cage.
          Nimnul has a new cat.  Making a ransom video.  Cat
          food with badges?  We gotta get in there!

     Chip : You're right, Monty.  Zipper, lead us to the opening.

(Rangers run out of camera's view.)

(Scene shifts to about five feet below an open window.  Zipper
carries a rope up to the window and secures it.  The Rangers
begin climbing.  As they reach the top, Chip begins to speak.)

     Chip : I hope we're not too late.

(As they look in the window, Nimnul is completing his ransom

     Muldoon : ... and if you ever want to see us again...

     Kirby : ... just leave ten million dollars...

     Muldoon : ... in unmarked bills...

     Kirby : ... on the steps of the public library...

     Muldoon : ... by noon tomorrow.

     Nimnul : And, cut!  Marvelous!  You two should be on T.V.

     Kirby : Stick it in your ear Nimnul!

     Muldoon : Yeah, you'll never get away with this!

     Nimnul : Well, maybe not.  But I'll have fun trying!

(Nimnul releases Fang, then leaves with the camera, laughing as
before.  Camera shifts to the Rangers.)

     Chip : Well, Rangers, it seems we've got our work cut out
          for us.

     Dale: They must have used dull scissors, 'cause I can't see
          what our work is.

     Chip : You nimrod, we have to set those cops free and get
          them back to normal size.  Come on.

(The Rangers climb up to the cage.)

     Muldoon : That shrinking gizmo must have done something to
          my eyes, because I'm seein' rodents with clothes on.

     Kirby : Then it did it to mine too, 'cause I see the same
          thing.  Does one of yours have long blond hair?

     Muldoon : Yeah.

     Kirby : Then we're in deep trouble.

     Gadget : Oh, don't worry.  We won't hurt you.

     Kirby : Great, now they're talking.

     Muldoon : I think that when we take Nimnul to the psycho
          ward, we should check in too.

     Monty : You're not crazy.  We are wearing clothes, and we
          can talk.

     Kirby : Hey, I know you.  You're that mouse who's always
          stealing Sgt. Spinelli's cheese.

     Monty : It's not my fault.  I can't control myself around
          any kind of cheese.  Except that rubber stuff that some
          pizza parlors use.

     Muldoon : Yeah, come to think of it, I've seen all of you
          guys at the station.  Who are you, anyway?

     Chip : We're the Rescue Rangers.  The guys who always stop
          criminals that the Police either can't handle or are
          unable to touch, because they're animals.

     Kirby : What do you mean?

     Monty : Remember the time that all the armored helicopters
          were being robbed, and you couldn't figure out who was
          doing it?  Well, we caught the crooks and returned the
          jewels all without you knowing what happened.

     Kirby : Well, who was doing that anyway?

     Dale: A cat crime boss named Fat Cat, his gang, and three
          Jamaican fruit bats.

     Muldoon : When did you start doing this?

     Chip : About the time that Detective Drake retired.  We
          helped recover the gold that Klordane stole.

     Kirby : Well, can you get us out of here?  We don't feel
          like becoming kitty krunchies.

     Gadget : No problem.

(Gadget picks the lock with her tail.  The cage opens and Muldoon
and Kirby get out.)

     Muldoon : That was good!  Remind me to call you the next
          time I lock my keys in the car.

     Dale: Well, let's get out of here.  I don't want to see
          Nimnul's cat any time soon.

(Nimnul returns from delivering the ransom video.)

     Nimnul : You again?  How many times do I have to extort
          people before you stop meddling?

     Muldoon : He recognizes you?

     Chip : Yeah, we're the vermin he was so paranoid about after
          he arrived at 911 through the phone lines.

     Kirby : You do get around, don't you.  Let's get outta here!

     Gadget : We need to get the Gigantico gun from Nimnul first.

     Muldoon : He left it on the other end of this table, but we
          have to get past Fang.

     Monty : I've handled bigger cats than him.  Just lemme at

(Monty goes to the other end of the table then returns with the
gun and Fang.)

     Monty : Would you believe it?  This guy's actually one of
          our biggest fans!

     Fang : I've heard so much about you guys.  Could I have your

(Fang pulls out an autograph book and a pen.  Each of the Rangers
sign their names.)

     Nimnul : What are you waiting for, you stupid cat?  Get

(Fang attacks Nimnul.)

     Gadget : You find your most devoted fans in the strangest

(The Rangers and police go through the window and down the rope. 
They soon arrive at the Ranger Wing.)

     Muldoon : Where did you get this?

     Chip : Gadget built it.  She's a real genius.

     Gadget : Oh, I wouldn't say genius.  Prodigy, maybe.  But
          not genius.

(They all pile into the Ranger Wing and take off.)

     Kirby : Vertical takeoff and everything!  You did a great

(Scene shifts to R.R.H.Q.  Muldoon and Kirby are looking around
in amazement.  Gadget is dissecting the Gigantico gun to see what
makes it tick.)

     Kirby : I never thought that rodents could even think like
          humans, but I guess I was wrong.  This place is better
          than my own apartment.

     Muldoon : Hey, be careful with that ray gun.  If you can't
          get it back together we'll be stuck like this.  It's
          kind of hard to intimidate criminals when you're only
          six inches tall.

     Monty : We're all six inches or shorter and we manage just

     Muldoon : Well you've been this small all your lives.  We've
          only been short for a few hours.

     Monty : Listen, mate.  You can moan and complain all you
          want, but without us you'll never get back to normal.

     Chip : Hey, you two.  Stop fighting.  We're supposed to be
          on the same side here.

     Both : He started it!

     Kirby : Shut up, Muldoon.  I've got seniority and I say we
          cooperate with these guys.  Now, if you can't behave,
          I'll send you back to Nimnul's to become Fang's next

     Chip : And you'll go with him, Monty.  Unless you can both
          show a little maturity and stop fighting.

     Monty : They're right, mate.  We are on the same side, so we
          can't start fightin' amongst ourselves.  Friends?

     Muldoon : Friends.  Hey, Kirby.  Didn't I get on the squad
          two months before you did?

     Kirby : Yeah, but I got off a foot beat three months ahead
          of you.

     Gadget : This ray gun is amazing.  It must've taken Nimnul
          months to design and build it.  I wonder how much it
          cost him.

     Dale: He probably stole all the materials he needed from
          Radio Schmuck.  Didn't cost him a dime.

     Gadget : Well, with a little hard work, I should be able to
          get it working again.

     Other Rangers : Should?

     Muldoon : What's wrong?

     Monty : Whenever she says "should," it means it'll either
          end up injuring us for a long time or it just won't

     Kirby : Uh-oh.

     Gadget : This would really help us in our work.  Think of
          how much easier it would be to catch crooks if we were
          twice as big as them.

     Chip : The police are several times bigger than Fat Cat and
          Rat Capone, and they still can't stop them.  I think
          we're better off being this size.

(Scene shifts to outside the tree.  Nimnul is sneaking up to it.)

     Nimnul : It's bad enough that those rodents released my
          hostages, but then they had to steal my Gigantico gun,
          too.  At least I know where to find them.

(Dale looks out the window and sees Nimnul on the ground.)

     Dale: We've got company.

     Nimnul : All right you miserable rodents.  Hand over my
          Gigantico gun!

     Gadget : I've almost got it back together.  Keep him busy.

     Dale: No Gigantico gun here.  Try the sycamore next door.

     Gadget : I've got it reassembled.  But are we going to give
          it to him?

     Nimnul : Come on, let me have it!

     Chip : You asked for it.

(Chip and Dale shrink Nimnul with the Gigantico gun.  Monty goes
down and takes him prisoner.)

     Nimnul : That's not what I meant.

     Monty : Too bad.  How's it feel to be a prisoner yourself?

(Monty brings Nimnul up into the tree.  Muldoon and Kirby slap
the handcuffs on him.)

     Kirby : You're under arrest, Nimnul.  Now how many times
          have I said that?

     Muldoon : I lost count around twenty.  I guess you got the
          Gigantico gun working.

     Gadget : Yes, but we'll have to restore you outside.

(Muldoon and Kirby are restored to their normal size.)

     Kirby : We'll restore Nimnul in his own jail cell.  Thanks
          for your help.  I can't wait to tell Spinelli about
          this one.

     Muldoon : Do you think he'd believe us?  Nimnul went to the
          Funny Farm when he started blabbering about them. 
          We'll just say he forgot to lock the cage.

(Kirby drops Nimnul in his shirt pocket and they both return to
the police station.)

     Monty : Just like them to steal the credit.

     Chip : Muldoon was right, though.  Nobody would believe that
          they were rescued by four rodents and a fly.

     Dale: Yeah, like nobody would believe that a rat would be a
          real threat to jewelry stores.